Still Blue. And Tired.

So, my boy is terrific. He signed 'more' several times in a row when he was stacking cards (an activity that he does quite often) I was handing them to him one at a time, and asking him if he wanted more each time, as a way to make the solitary game more interactive. After he had stacked the deck a couple of times, I dealt him a card from the bottom of the deck. He looked at it and handed it back, because he knew it wasn't in the order that it was in before. The cards were randomly shuffled before we started. Sometimes I can see so clearly into his head, and other times I can't see anything.

It is so incredibly tiring. I spoke with one of my cousins. He and his wife are going down the same road, and have a lot of information about nutrition and the medical aspects behind autism. We suspect that there have been some other cases in the extended family, but no one is talking. It is frustrating. And scary. And I'm afraid that I won't be able to provide the care that Alex needs. There seems to be help out there, but at the same point it is hard to get to. And there are so many theories and schools of thought on how to best help kids with autism. No one is certain. In fact, sometimes its even hard to get a diagnosis. And then when you do get it, you don't really want it, because it becomes a label.

Alex is. He is perfect, beautiful, loving, smiley, has a great laugh, loves to dance, has specific likes and dislikes, loves to go to school. And he is non-verbal, has sensory issues and sometimes frustrates me beyond words. I love him beyond belief, and as much as I would love to have Alex wake up one morning, talking, singing, and aware, I can't imagine him being different than how he is. So, Alex is.

Not quite as blue. Very tired.